We cant be perfect. Either accept this truth, or risk driving yourself bonkers.
That said, many of us do make peace with our imperfections or, at least, say we do. The reality, however, occasionally seems to be that when were not at our best, our brains grow quietly unwilling to acknowledge were taking the low road. Whats more, not only do we refuse to see the so-called worst in ourselves, but we chastise others for their ability to be the good people we cant (or wont) be.
A great example of this can be seen in an upcoming July article for the Journal of Consumer Psychology. The study dovetails with previous research to suggest that, while people want to buy products manufactured by ethical means (think fair trade), it turns out that if were actually given the opportunity of knowing where our merchandise comes from, wed rather remain in the dark.
Whats more, if our friends and loved ones tell us the products theyve chosen to buy are made by demonstratively principled companies, we label those people preachy, unfashionable and unattractive. (This response might be all-too familiar to folks like feminists and vegans who, given the wrong audience, can barely open their mouths without being accused of behaving holier-than-thou.)
Authors of the study arrived at the conclusion that individuals who choose to buy items produced by ethical means were seen as a kind of threat to others sense of self-righteousness. But whats perhaps even more interesting is that, when surveyed, those who denigrated do-gooders revealed they didnt feel much revulsion toward companies that defied ethical standards. Thats because one feeling cannot exist without the other: If fair trade isnt a big deal, then companies that avoid fair trade arent really doing anything wrong.
All this reveals a great deal not only about our very human need to often live in willful ignorance (otherwise we might grow overwhelmed and, in turn, paralyzed by all the worlds very real horrors), but that each of us knows so little about who we really are and what we really care about.
For example, few of us would admit that we dont much care whether the clothes we buy were made by children working in slave labor conditions. And yet the fact that these practices continue, often in the name of United States consumerism, show that more than a few of us truly dont make the issue worth our time.
Its not that were bluffing, necessarily; when we say we care about sweatshops, we usually mean what we say. The issue is that were genuinely unaware that, deep down, these issues arent our priorities. This kind of unconscious lack of familiarity with our own values (or lack thereof) touches on a theory known as the introspection illusion. This is the idea that our desires are rooted in such complex psychological mire, theres no real way for us to understand why we like what we like, and why we dont like the things we find repellent.
There are dozens of experiments that seem to reveal introspection, or an attempt to understand the self, is not the means to identify our innermost truths. On the contrary, its the means for us to come up with justificationsas to why were drawn to Thing A and not Thing B, when, really, we havent a clue. Thats why many people patronize therapists. These caretakers have training and, more importantly, objectivity, and are far more likely to identify, for arguments sake, our sense of shame when we cant pay for more expensive fair trade options.
The truth is its OK to feel small when we cant achieve or dont even think to try what others do with passion and conviction. The problem comes when we start acting out against those people, or actively undermining the causes they support. Again, its about our ability to be imperfect, as well as our need to accept that the best we can do is try.
When we come into contact with individuals of whom we are jealous, we must try our best to know and admit our true feelings. In turn, we can either minimize the accomplishments of others, or strive to be more like them. At least that choice (introspection illusion be darned) is up to us.
Disclaimer: The views expressed above are solely those of the author and may not reflect those of Care2, Inc., its employees or advertisers.
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