Tag Archives: feeling

It Is Not Twitter’s Birthday

Mother Jones

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Hello.

How are you? Feeling good? Feeling spry? You look good. You look spry!

I’ve got some bad news for you, my spry, good-looking friend. You have been making a fool of yourself today.

Twitter is 10 years old today,” you tweeted.

Happy birthday, Twitter,” you tweeted.

Happy 10th anniversary, Twitter,” you tweeted.

Blah blah blah.

YOU TWEETED LIES.

It is not Twitter’s birthday.

Today is March 21. Twitter’s birthday is July 15.

Today is just the anniversary of the first tweet, which Twitter co-founder Jack Dorsey sent out on March 21, 2006. But Twitter itself was not released to the public until July 15, 2006. That is its birthday. That is how birthdays work.

The Wire explained this a few years ago:

Today we are not celebrating Twitter’s birth, but rather founder Jack Dorsey’s first tweet:

Sure, this is cause for celebration. But only in the same way as a baby’s first kicks in the womb are exciting. At the moment of that tweet (or twt?), Twitter was just a fetus of a site. Its parents, Jack Dorsey, Noah Glass, Evan Williams and Biz Stone, were thinking about what Twitter might look and act like when it made its public debut. They hadn’t even settled on the name yet.

Twitter didn’t pop out of the womb, or “become born” until July 15, 2006, with the public launch of the site. Stone made the announcement on his personal site. And Twitter, “a new mobile service that helps groups of friends bounce random thoughts around with SMS” entered the world.

Please stop saying that it is Twitter’s birthday. That is all.

Have a great day.

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It Is Not Twitter’s Birthday

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Genius Conservative Compares Gay Marriage to 9/11, Pearl Harbor

Mother Jones

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So, you’re a conservative and you’re upset that every state is going to be forced to be nice to gay people, so you take to Twitter to share your outrage and you reach for a simile. Not just any simile but, like, a good simile—one that has a strong tradition and is emotionally evocative and will let everyone know you mean business. Ding! Ding! Ding! You’ve got it!

Now you’re getting those faves, you’re getting those retweets, you’re getting those hateful replies. You’re liking this feeling. You’re flying high. You’re on a cloud. You’re on the moon, my love. You are a starship leaving this goddamned solar system! You want to chase the feeling. You want more. You want to never stop feeling like this. Why would anyone ever want to not feel like this? But how can you top Pearl Harbor?

You know what to do, baby. You know what to do:

Bryan Fischer, ladies and gentleman.

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Genius Conservative Compares Gay Marriage to 9/11, Pearl Harbor

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