Let’s name all of the ocean water that will someday flood us after Reagan

By Philip Bump

Once again, Rep. Darrell Issa (R-Calif.) has proposed naming the United States’ offshore “exclusive economic zone” after Ronald Reagan. (He tried this last year, too.) The EEZ, as it’s known, is the expanse of ocean between three and 200 miles off U.S. coastlines in areas we control. It’s our ocean, which we can do with what we want. Maybe we want to build statues to former presidents there. We can; it’s our water.

So why does Issa want to name it after the Gipper? Two reasons. First, because he can’t suggest we go big and name a state after Reagan since there aren’t any more states. Except maybe someday Puerto Rico, and I suspect Issa wouldn’t consider that an appropriate tribute. And, second, because naming things after Reagan is how Republicans tithe.

From The Hill:

Issa on Wednesday reintroduced his bill to rename the country’s Exclusive Economic Zone (EEZ), which generally extends from three miles to 200 miles offshore, as the Ronald Wilson Reagan Exclusive Economic Zone.

The late Reagan, a Californian like Issa, established the EEZ with a 1983 presidential proclamation that declared the nation’s sovereign rights for exploring, exploiting and conserving offshore resources, including energy. …

Under the proposal, references to the EEZ in U.S. laws, regulations, maps and other documents would carry Reagan’s name.

Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan! Reagan Reagan, Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan!

NOAA

The new map of Exclusive Economic Zones. Click to embiggen and/or print out to use as a poster in your home

There’s another reason this is a good idea for conservatives, though it’s probably not one Issa has thought of. In 100 years, all of that Reagany ocean water will have risen so high that it floods thousands of acres of the snooty, liberal East and West Coasts. We’ll be swimming in Reagan, gang, paying the price for our sins of not loving Reagan enough. And maybe, just maybe, we’ll think of little old Darrell Issa when that happens.

Especially if we live in the new state of Issa, formerly known as Puerto Rico.

Philip Bump writes about the news for Gristmill. He also uses Twitter a whole lot.

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Let’s name all of the ocean water that will someday flood us after Reagan